by Melinda Pillsbury-Foster
May
11, 2002 | My daughter Morgan has a borderline personality disorder.
That is a fact of life -- for herself and for me. It was hard to come
to grips with the fact that I could not trust her before she began to
face her demons and work to conquer them, but I did learn that sad
lesson. She is my daughter as well as a human being who has made an
immense and intense effort to come to grips with the disorder. She
deserves decent treatment. She deserves justice. I could not give up
on her, and I did not. I learned to demand proof. She learned not to
fear telling the truth and facing the consequences of dishonesty. She
also learned not to resent being treated differently from my other
children -- at least not too much.
I
have always been a strong believer in truth and justice. The two go
together. You cannot have one without the other. I demanded the truth
from Morgan. I received documentation of her statements. Along with
this I have the proof of my own eyes and ears. I have known Morgan
all of her life. I have heard every lie on every possible subject.
But when she called me to tell me that her then-boyfriend, political
commentator John Fund, was being physically abusive to her, I did not
have one shred of doubt that she was telling the truth.
The
saddest part of the story is that Morgan called me not to tell me
about the violence but to ask falteringly and with real bewilderment
if what had happened to her was acceptable. As she described the
events I had to hold my mouth to keep from retching.
Even
before this call, I had already started demanding from Fund his side
of the story, just as I had demanded the truth from my daughter. He
consistently refused to supply it. What little he would tell me
changed every time we talked.
I
have known John since he was still wet behind the ears and making a
reputation as a successful event promoter and manager of Star Wars
conventions, long before his career as an editorialist. Here was a
man who had been a success in the arenas of sci-fi events and
political opinion lying as if he himself had a personality disorder.
It was horrifically reminiscent of exchanges with my daughter around
a decade ago: if someone won't tell you the full truth, if someone
justifies their conduct by spinning conspiracies of monumental
proportions (in this case, the circumstances surrounding his diddling
my oldest child), then you are clearly looking at a liar.
I
had never considered the problems faced by Borderliners before this.
Now I understand that their fears are not idle -- especially their
fears confronting a justice system that sometines seems gamed against
them.
If
you cannot expect justice, you are less than human. You are a black
man before the Emancipation Proclamation. You are a woman before law
gave her control over her own paycheck and the Supreme Court gave her
control over her own body. You are invisible. You do not "feel".
But
of course you do. Individuals suffering from Borderline Personality
Disorder have problems beyond merely trying to cope with the
frightening circumstances of the very personal hell their disability
can make of their lives. They are also second-class citizens, people
who may pay the same taxes for services as paid by others but who
cannot count on the rendering of justice.
Individuals
with borderline personalities can live in fear all of their lives.
They may fear abandonment, persecution and abuse -- and often these
fears are fully justified. Many suffer these social atrocities.
They
are not called Borderliners because they cannot discern the line
between appropriate and inappropriate behavior, for themselves and
for others interacting with them -- but this is not an inaccurate
characterization of the incubus that haunts their lives. They are an
extreme case of common behavior exhibited by individuals who have
been subjected to the debilitating and distortive effects of abuse.
They often dig themselves into a pit of fear. They destroy
relationships. They are written off by the people who love them --
and who they love.
It
takes time for them to understand why the world is different for
them.
Redemption
and justice should be available to all of us. Borderliners are no
different.
Women
who have borderline personality disorders are ideal victims for the
predatory. They do not possess the standards that empower ordinary
women to see inappropriate behavior -- so they are more easily
manipulated, threatened, and violated. They are less likely to seek
justice not believing that justice is owed them.
This
is why we need to rethink how we deal with Borderliners.
We
want to live in a world where preying on anyone is disallowed by the
standards and practices we each follow. We want to live in a world
that is safe for children and those at risk. Borderliners are at risk
every day of their lives.
Above
all, we can achieve better outcomes.
Justice
is possible. Yes, there must be proof. But when the weight of
circumstances and evidence is presented; when the victim speaks we
must listen and we must act. Change happens in achingly slow
increments. It can be a painful and frightening process. Nonetheless,
it is important that it happens. When the world is a safer place for
everyone who tries to do the right thing then it will be a safer
place for each of us as well. That is justice. That is truth. It will
be a win-win outcome because making the world safer for those at risk
can make it safer for us, too.
It
is really all about personal accountability. Know the truth and the
truth shall set you free.
